Single life

All but one week of my life I have been single (as in not married) so I feel I have at least a little credibility on this topic.  I have experienced many different things in those years and have gone through many different seasons of life.  It is funny to look back at my first kiss on the cheek in elementary school and the various "going out" relationships I had in middle school.  My step dad had a hilarious take on it when I told him I was "going out" with a girl in 7th grade.  "Where are you going?" he asked with a subtle smirk on his face.  He had a great point, I was years from driving so really all that meant was we would walk to each others locker and hold hands if we were feeling especially affectionate that day.  There was really no point to the relationship aside from the fact that it was the norm to pursue a girl, plus it was a status booster. 

The whole idea of dating being a source of identity and a part of one's status is only intensified in high school.  Even though at that age some can feel they are in a genuine loving relationship, it is a rare occurrence.  It is an interesting environment for sure and it is really easy just to fall right in line with what is expected of you.  Once you reach college, who you are with (friends and opposite sex) is still a source of validation and status with your peers. 

All of that backdrop to simply say this, it is extremely difficult to love someone else until a person begins chipping away at their own selfishness.  I'm not claiming to know much about love but I do know that a shift has to be made from, "What can I get out of this relationship?" to "I'm choosing to love this person and will show that unconditionally."  Huge difference.  The first approach is not always easy to spot on the surface either, and it happens all the time.  Businessmen view relationships as leads to boost their sales all the time, some genuinely care about others, plenty of others simply do not.  Guys AND girls both seek different types of gratification for themselves from others all the time, sometimes there's love involved, sometimes there's not. 

Ever heard the phrase, "What have you done for me lately?" If it isn't verbalized it is thought about all the time...does that suggest selfishness or love for others?  I don't have it figured out, but I thought I'd start the conversation.  I'm not saying if your single it is because you are selfish, but for me, that was one of the things that needed to be addressed along the way.  It is a process...

Wedding Series!

I'm hoping to have a small series of posts relaying some of the things I've learned through the whole processes of being engaged and becoming a husband recently, but until then, this should whet your appetite...

Not my words...

While studying and researching for a lesson/discussion for next Sunday I came across this awesome chunk of the Bible in Ephesians.  I'd rather not mess it up for you by giving you all of my thoughts about it, just take it in, more than once.

Here it is, Ephesians 3:14-21...

Paul’s Prayer for Spiritual Growth

 ¹⁴ When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, ¹⁵ the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. ¹⁶ I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. ¹⁷ Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. ¹⁸ And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. ¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. ²⁰ Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ²¹ Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

Cleaning

As soon as it starts warming up outside it seems to energize everyone to start organizing, cleaning, and getting rid of stuff they don't need or that isn't of any good use anymore.  Yard sale signs are everywhere, people are donating things, and even trashing stuff as they see fit.

This got me thinking.  Most people are pretty good at realizing the things they need to keep, things they could give away to help others, and of course the crap they need to get rid of.  Some people are qualified to be on the A&E show "Hoarders" where they desperately hold on to everything in their possession regardless of how it effects their lives.

In the same way, it would be interesting if we took a look into our personal life.  Not just our personal belongings, but our interior world.  What are the great qualities that we currently have that we should definitely hold onto? Is there any wisdom that we could pass along to someone that would help them out?

Now for the tough part, are there any things in our life we need to get rid of completely but have a hard time letting go? Maybe it is that grudge you have held for years, or the porn you watch that no one knows about, or the intense negative attitude that leaves you nearly depressed?  Just like the guy on Hoarders, it's tough to let go, especially if it's been with you for awhile.

Some things we will be able to let go of on our own. For me, after a certain point, I needed help to get me through, and I got it.

So...which one is it?

I've beginning to learn that a lot of things in this life, at their core, are neutral.  This covers a lot of different things, but I'm going to keep it to one topic for now so you'll actually read the whole post.

Money.  This is something everyone can relate to, especially when I'm considering selling plasma with the way these gas prices are headed (I'm joking, but seriously...).  So many thoughts exist on this topic, and it especially gets tricky when money is discussed in Christian contexts.

The go to quote that I hear is, "Money is the root of all evil."
That line is close to what a Bible verse says (1 Timothy 6:10), but with some distinct differences,
"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil."

Catch the subtle differences?  Money by itself is not evil, but the love of money is a root to all kinds of evil.  The real issue here is where a person's heart is.  A millionaire is a millionaire, but differences in attitudes and where their heart is affect things.  This can lead them to one extreme or the other, a great philanthropist, or "that guy" who has so much money us normal people can't even fathom what we would do with that much cash!  If a Christian is poor it doesn't necessarily mean that they feel they must be poor to be a "good" Christian and if Christian is rich he isn't inherently corrupt and a hypocrite.  Those profiles exist but we can't peg that on the whole lot, see my recent post "Generally Speaking" for more on that.

It comes down to stewardship, or managing for an easier term.  Manage well, and it will be rewarded.  So, which one is it? Will we use money wisely to help build up our families and our neighbors, or will we fall into an unhealthy attachment to it (ok, you got me, just a long way of saying "being greedy")?

P.S. - One guy who knows his stuff and is refreshingly straight-forward and helpful with financial matters, see Dave Ramsey's work.  

Generally speaking...

"If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."  When I first heard that when I was younger, I probably thought, "Man, that probably cuts out like half of my conversation!"  Being, cynical, critical, and an overall skeptic seems to be a popular route these days.  We hear all kinds of messages where there is focused more on bashing the opposition that promoting the ideas they believe in.  Not only that but there seems to be less and less middle ground.  Take politics for example, for a person's vote to matter for all practical purposes they have to choose one end of spectrum or the other in a sense.  Tim Keller, a highly respected author and minister in NYC found research that showed that America is getting more religious and less religious at the same time.  What? Yes, the Christian population is growing and so is the population of groups that subscribe to alternative value system (atheist, etc.)  I feel like one of the problems that arises when this happens in any context is one party will freely use a single example from the other side and apply that person's thoughts, actions, whatever, to the whole group.

When that happens, how fair is that?  Say there's a guy I know with the last name, let's say Miller. I see him out at a restaurant and he's had a few drinks, cusses out his waitress, smacks his kid as he leaves because he is crying, and then peels off in his car to go home.  What if, from now on, anytime I meet a guy with the same last name I assume he's a belligerent alcoholic who abuses his kid? Ridiculous right?  The same thing can  happen (of course on a smaller scale) all of the time.  An easy example would be Christianity.  Many people see a person to be a hypocrite who claims to be Christian and assume that all Christians are hypocrites. There are some issues here, one is the assumption that people who are Christian ever claim to be perfect. 

On a side note I would like to say that taking the Lord's name in vain goes beyond dropping the GD bomb.  There are plenty of people who have never had that word in their vocabulary but will wear the label of Christian without ever having a relationship with God or even understanding what it means to have one.  A politician for example could claim the Christian tag just to get a better voter turnout for his campaign.

All of that to say, just as an encouragement, to take a look at people as individuals to find out what they are about instead of throwing them under the bus from the get go if they don't match right up initially with every tag or label you would place on yourself.

A word to the wise

It has been awhile since my last post, there are a couple of reasons why, one of which actually inspired this blog.  As much as technology, social networking, and the very blog you are reading can help people connect, there is a point where it can be detrimental.  From my experience I've wanted to improve communication with those most important to me in this life but it is easier said than done.  Between texting, email, Facebook, Twitter, and any other form of non-verbal media we leave too much out there for interpretation.  Communication 101 in college teaches us all this but the fact of the matter is we are a generation who'll be less comfortable with face to face or verbal communication than the one that preceded us because it seems easier.

The crazy part is this, when looking at it from a broader view, avoiding more personal communication is only temporarily easy.  Think of all the the misunderstandings that could have been avoided or the time spent texting back and forth when a call would have been much more efficient?  Don't get me wrong, I believe all of the above mentioned tools can be beneficial but the key here, like anything else, is gaining wisdom as to how to use these things.

That brings me to the next concept I'm trying to believe more deeply and that is the difference between knowledge and wisdom.  Gaining more knowledge is not hard to do, how many have we said to ourselves, "Yep, you learn something new everyday!"  That's cool, but what is really awesome is when the things we learn can change the way we make our decisions.  A baseball player can learn what they should do in tons of scenarios, but if they resort to their former habits have they REALLY learned them? Wisdom is awesome, what little I have comes in handy, my prayer is that God would bless me with more as a move along.

An encouragement, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." - James 1:5

Also check out Proverbs, short and sweet blurbs that will rock your world...

P.S. - One of the greatest songs you may have never heard of...