Single life

All but one week of my life I have been single (as in not married) so I feel I have at least a little credibility on this topic.  I have experienced many different things in those years and have gone through many different seasons of life.  It is funny to look back at my first kiss on the cheek in elementary school and the various "going out" relationships I had in middle school.  My step dad had a hilarious take on it when I told him I was "going out" with a girl in 7th grade.  "Where are you going?" he asked with a subtle smirk on his face.  He had a great point, I was years from driving so really all that meant was we would walk to each others locker and hold hands if we were feeling especially affectionate that day.  There was really no point to the relationship aside from the fact that it was the norm to pursue a girl, plus it was a status booster. 

The whole idea of dating being a source of identity and a part of one's status is only intensified in high school.  Even though at that age some can feel they are in a genuine loving relationship, it is a rare occurrence.  It is an interesting environment for sure and it is really easy just to fall right in line with what is expected of you.  Once you reach college, who you are with (friends and opposite sex) is still a source of validation and status with your peers. 

All of that backdrop to simply say this, it is extremely difficult to love someone else until a person begins chipping away at their own selfishness.  I'm not claiming to know much about love but I do know that a shift has to be made from, "What can I get out of this relationship?" to "I'm choosing to love this person and will show that unconditionally."  Huge difference.  The first approach is not always easy to spot on the surface either, and it happens all the time.  Businessmen view relationships as leads to boost their sales all the time, some genuinely care about others, plenty of others simply do not.  Guys AND girls both seek different types of gratification for themselves from others all the time, sometimes there's love involved, sometimes there's not. 

Ever heard the phrase, "What have you done for me lately?" If it isn't verbalized it is thought about all the time...does that suggest selfishness or love for others?  I don't have it figured out, but I thought I'd start the conversation.  I'm not saying if your single it is because you are selfish, but for me, that was one of the things that needed to be addressed along the way.  It is a process...

Love is not money!

In our world today it is often said that we throw around the word "love" too loosely and have weakened its meaning.  That is true in some instances, however, we really take it a step further on how we actually love when it comes to our day to day life.  Donald Miller's book (soon to be movie), "Blue Like Jazz" is a perfect example of a book that is full of some real talk.  Towards the end of this book he discusses love and how we mistreat it.  How easy is it for us to feel like we have a set amount of love we can give each day and we are faced with the task of dividing it out the way we see fit?  This is understandable in a sense because we have a limited amount of time and energy, but really the amount of love we can show for others has no ceiling.  When a parent has a second child, the love they have MULTIPLIES and does not divide between the two kids.

Why is this important to realize? Simply because love is vital to everyone's life, especially those of us within the Christian faith.  When Jesus was asked to share the single most important calling, he responded by saying, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' "

Pretty cut and dry, huh? The struggle happens when we try to actually live this out.  Following Jesus is never easy, but the reality of it is that it is never that complicated.  God's love for us is so great it is beyond our comprehension.  In return, he seeks a relationship with us and desires that we give him and others the best we have.  There is nothing wrong with having a inner circle of friends (Jesus only rolled 12 deep in his) but don't circle the wagons and stop there.  In the book of Hosea it states, "Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love."

I for one am imperfect in this pursuit, good intentions and a big heart only go so far (that conversation is for another day), but it is an approach that is worthwhile and beneficial in many ways.  Let's not be stingy with our love for God and others, most of us can agree that it is a powerful thing and it's free to give!

Until next time...