Single life

All but one week of my life I have been single (as in not married) so I feel I have at least a little credibility on this topic.  I have experienced many different things in those years and have gone through many different seasons of life.  It is funny to look back at my first kiss on the cheek in elementary school and the various "going out" relationships I had in middle school.  My step dad had a hilarious take on it when I told him I was "going out" with a girl in 7th grade.  "Where are you going?" he asked with a subtle smirk on his face.  He had a great point, I was years from driving so really all that meant was we would walk to each others locker and hold hands if we were feeling especially affectionate that day.  There was really no point to the relationship aside from the fact that it was the norm to pursue a girl, plus it was a status booster. 

The whole idea of dating being a source of identity and a part of one's status is only intensified in high school.  Even though at that age some can feel they are in a genuine loving relationship, it is a rare occurrence.  It is an interesting environment for sure and it is really easy just to fall right in line with what is expected of you.  Once you reach college, who you are with (friends and opposite sex) is still a source of validation and status with your peers. 

All of that backdrop to simply say this, it is extremely difficult to love someone else until a person begins chipping away at their own selfishness.  I'm not claiming to know much about love but I do know that a shift has to be made from, "What can I get out of this relationship?" to "I'm choosing to love this person and will show that unconditionally."  Huge difference.  The first approach is not always easy to spot on the surface either, and it happens all the time.  Businessmen view relationships as leads to boost their sales all the time, some genuinely care about others, plenty of others simply do not.  Guys AND girls both seek different types of gratification for themselves from others all the time, sometimes there's love involved, sometimes there's not. 

Ever heard the phrase, "What have you done for me lately?" If it isn't verbalized it is thought about all the time...does that suggest selfishness or love for others?  I don't have it figured out, but I thought I'd start the conversation.  I'm not saying if your single it is because you are selfish, but for me, that was one of the things that needed to be addressed along the way.  It is a process...

Wedding Series!

I'm hoping to have a small series of posts relaying some of the things I've learned through the whole processes of being engaged and becoming a husband recently, but until then, this should whet your appetite...

Not my words...

While studying and researching for a lesson/discussion for next Sunday I came across this awesome chunk of the Bible in Ephesians.  I'd rather not mess it up for you by giving you all of my thoughts about it, just take it in, more than once.

Here it is, Ephesians 3:14-21...

Paul’s Prayer for Spiritual Growth

 ¹⁴ When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, ¹⁵ the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. ¹⁶ I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. ¹⁷ Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. ¹⁸ And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. ¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. ²⁰ Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ²¹ Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

Cleaning

As soon as it starts warming up outside it seems to energize everyone to start organizing, cleaning, and getting rid of stuff they don't need or that isn't of any good use anymore.  Yard sale signs are everywhere, people are donating things, and even trashing stuff as they see fit.

This got me thinking.  Most people are pretty good at realizing the things they need to keep, things they could give away to help others, and of course the crap they need to get rid of.  Some people are qualified to be on the A&E show "Hoarders" where they desperately hold on to everything in their possession regardless of how it effects their lives.

In the same way, it would be interesting if we took a look into our personal life.  Not just our personal belongings, but our interior world.  What are the great qualities that we currently have that we should definitely hold onto? Is there any wisdom that we could pass along to someone that would help them out?

Now for the tough part, are there any things in our life we need to get rid of completely but have a hard time letting go? Maybe it is that grudge you have held for years, or the porn you watch that no one knows about, or the intense negative attitude that leaves you nearly depressed?  Just like the guy on Hoarders, it's tough to let go, especially if it's been with you for awhile.

Some things we will be able to let go of on our own. For me, after a certain point, I needed help to get me through, and I got it.

So...which one is it?

I've beginning to learn that a lot of things in this life, at their core, are neutral.  This covers a lot of different things, but I'm going to keep it to one topic for now so you'll actually read the whole post.

Money.  This is something everyone can relate to, especially when I'm considering selling plasma with the way these gas prices are headed (I'm joking, but seriously...).  So many thoughts exist on this topic, and it especially gets tricky when money is discussed in Christian contexts.

The go to quote that I hear is, "Money is the root of all evil."
That line is close to what a Bible verse says (1 Timothy 6:10), but with some distinct differences,
"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil."

Catch the subtle differences?  Money by itself is not evil, but the love of money is a root to all kinds of evil.  The real issue here is where a person's heart is.  A millionaire is a millionaire, but differences in attitudes and where their heart is affect things.  This can lead them to one extreme or the other, a great philanthropist, or "that guy" who has so much money us normal people can't even fathom what we would do with that much cash!  If a Christian is poor it doesn't necessarily mean that they feel they must be poor to be a "good" Christian and if Christian is rich he isn't inherently corrupt and a hypocrite.  Those profiles exist but we can't peg that on the whole lot, see my recent post "Generally Speaking" for more on that.

It comes down to stewardship, or managing for an easier term.  Manage well, and it will be rewarded.  So, which one is it? Will we use money wisely to help build up our families and our neighbors, or will we fall into an unhealthy attachment to it (ok, you got me, just a long way of saying "being greedy")?

P.S. - One guy who knows his stuff and is refreshingly straight-forward and helpful with financial matters, see Dave Ramsey's work.  

Generally speaking...

"If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."  When I first heard that when I was younger, I probably thought, "Man, that probably cuts out like half of my conversation!"  Being, cynical, critical, and an overall skeptic seems to be a popular route these days.  We hear all kinds of messages where there is focused more on bashing the opposition that promoting the ideas they believe in.  Not only that but there seems to be less and less middle ground.  Take politics for example, for a person's vote to matter for all practical purposes they have to choose one end of spectrum or the other in a sense.  Tim Keller, a highly respected author and minister in NYC found research that showed that America is getting more religious and less religious at the same time.  What? Yes, the Christian population is growing and so is the population of groups that subscribe to alternative value system (atheist, etc.)  I feel like one of the problems that arises when this happens in any context is one party will freely use a single example from the other side and apply that person's thoughts, actions, whatever, to the whole group.

When that happens, how fair is that?  Say there's a guy I know with the last name, let's say Miller. I see him out at a restaurant and he's had a few drinks, cusses out his waitress, smacks his kid as he leaves because he is crying, and then peels off in his car to go home.  What if, from now on, anytime I meet a guy with the same last name I assume he's a belligerent alcoholic who abuses his kid? Ridiculous right?  The same thing can  happen (of course on a smaller scale) all of the time.  An easy example would be Christianity.  Many people see a person to be a hypocrite who claims to be Christian and assume that all Christians are hypocrites. There are some issues here, one is the assumption that people who are Christian ever claim to be perfect. 

On a side note I would like to say that taking the Lord's name in vain goes beyond dropping the GD bomb.  There are plenty of people who have never had that word in their vocabulary but will wear the label of Christian without ever having a relationship with God or even understanding what it means to have one.  A politician for example could claim the Christian tag just to get a better voter turnout for his campaign.

All of that to say, just as an encouragement, to take a look at people as individuals to find out what they are about instead of throwing them under the bus from the get go if they don't match right up initially with every tag or label you would place on yourself.

A word to the wise

It has been awhile since my last post, there are a couple of reasons why, one of which actually inspired this blog.  As much as technology, social networking, and the very blog you are reading can help people connect, there is a point where it can be detrimental.  From my experience I've wanted to improve communication with those most important to me in this life but it is easier said than done.  Between texting, email, Facebook, Twitter, and any other form of non-verbal media we leave too much out there for interpretation.  Communication 101 in college teaches us all this but the fact of the matter is we are a generation who'll be less comfortable with face to face or verbal communication than the one that preceded us because it seems easier.

The crazy part is this, when looking at it from a broader view, avoiding more personal communication is only temporarily easy.  Think of all the the misunderstandings that could have been avoided or the time spent texting back and forth when a call would have been much more efficient?  Don't get me wrong, I believe all of the above mentioned tools can be beneficial but the key here, like anything else, is gaining wisdom as to how to use these things.

That brings me to the next concept I'm trying to believe more deeply and that is the difference between knowledge and wisdom.  Gaining more knowledge is not hard to do, how many have we said to ourselves, "Yep, you learn something new everyday!"  That's cool, but what is really awesome is when the things we learn can change the way we make our decisions.  A baseball player can learn what they should do in tons of scenarios, but if they resort to their former habits have they REALLY learned them? Wisdom is awesome, what little I have comes in handy, my prayer is that God would bless me with more as a move along.

An encouragement, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." - James 1:5

Also check out Proverbs, short and sweet blurbs that will rock your world...

P.S. - One of the greatest songs you may have never heard of...

This stuff doesn't discriminate!

Once you feel like you have seen it all, something new comes along and shakes it up even more.  My father lost a bout with cancer in his early fifties, his most recent physical at that time checked out healthy. Then the next thing you know he's fighting for his life taking chemotherapy.  Within the last couple of weeks I learned of a good friend who is only a sophomore in college who was diagnosed with a form of cancer.  Whether you are young, healthy, or both, you just never know.  Fortunately this man is fighting it head on and this situation is actually deepening his faith, you can learn more about his situation on his blog A Whittle Time.

Despite sharing these incidents, I'm really not trying to be depressing here.  The fact of the matter is that there are some things that are in our control and some things that aren't.  My brother helped me with this perspective, encouraging me to not worry about becoming ill given what family medical history I'm aware of.  Within my own life I'd love to be able to control more things, it'd make it a lot easier at times.  The bottom line is that it is wise to do the best with what we have right now and make the best decisions with the information we have on hand at the time.  There is a place for looking forward to the future and entertaining the occasional hypothetical, but when it leads to worry this is where we should draw the line.  This isn't just my opinion...

Matthew 6:24, 34 - Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

For those of you tired of seeing hip hop on here, I do like other kinds of music! Jack Johnson, oh yea! "Staple it Together"is a really good song, the lyrics are quality. Here is a live version of it!

Conflict can be awesome!

Some people shy away from it, others embrace it, and all are effected by it, I'm talking about conflict.  I do not have a screw loose.  I am not on some weird philosophical kick.  When I say conflict can be awesome, there is a reason why.  Think about any story, is it not true that the more drastic the conflict is the more epic the climax and ending become?  Say I bust my butt on a patch of ice and am sore the next day, but somehow I find a way to gut it out and make it through...no one on this planet would pay money to see that movie.  Compare that to any Bourne movie, where Matt Damon has to overcome an identity crisis while also flee the feds constantly and it is no contest.

The late John Wooden said something to the extent of sport not developing character but revealing it.  This happens because as an athlete conflict is inevitable because at the very least there is always an opposing team suiting up to take you down.  Tests, trials, and various conflicts are actually necessary for a person to grow.  Muscles do not grow without facing some serious resistance, instead they actually weaken over time if they are not challenged.  This is true for many parts of life.  The fact remains that a person has to learn to handle conflict in order to be the best it can be.  

Check out what Paul says here in Romans 5:

     Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

     We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

This track is part of a whole album that's perfect to get some work in at the gym! K-Drama's, "Get Your Weight Up" really speaks to overcoming struggles to get to where you want to be...Peace!

Where you at?

At one point in time every time I heard the question, "Where you at?" I couldn't help but think of those old people in the Boost Mobile commercial, remember that one?  With each day that goes by it feels like it is getting easier and easier (almost to a fault) to know the locations of our friends at all times.  With GPS, iPhones, and with Facebook "Check-ins" we can let people know where we are at and tag others with just a few taps on a screen.

Just this weekend I was able to attend a winter retreat with an organiztion called Athletes in Action.  One of the tight things about the whole experience was to see a crew of about 300 college athletes from all different locations within the Great Lakes area.  There were ballers from all locations, Kentucky, Cincinnati, Ohio State, Michigan State, Marshall, and Pittsburgh just to name a few.  We not only came together from different locations physically, but also spiritually.  We were a living definition of diversity.  Some people grew up in the hood, some in the suburbs, and some grew up without a father.  Some had grew up in the church, some even pastor's kids, while others barely had a clue who God was and had only bad impressions of people who at least called themselves Christians.  The whole spectrum, I'm telling you.

The crazy part for me, when I was taking this all in, was the fact that just about every status in this world, including being a college athlete, requires certain skills, credentials, experience, and pieces of paper (diplomas/degrees).  I feel like this is why I have struggled at times, as I'm sure others have, wrapping my head around the fact that God does not require us to have a skill set or a resume' that's legit in his eyes.  When we think we can get to that point, we need to remember that it is impossible to build a resume' on our own that will earn us a spot in heaven. We have it twisted.  God asks us to stop trying for a second and recognize we need some back up, better yet, a spot on the roster without a reference or tryout.  Where we have been, no matter what we have done, or what we have said in the past doesn't effect his desire to recruit us.  In other words, we don't have to go through a spiritual version of P90X to get jacked in order to start a walk with God, he can meet us wherever we are at, either literally or relation to him.  This video is my boy Lecrae's real life story in a rap, definitely some real talk, check it...

Blow your high!

Not to long ago I came across the classic hit song "Higher" by Creed.  It's fair to say the lyrics are talking about Heaven when they are rocking out the chorus.  Many times being "high" is considered a good thing, athletes want to move up on the depth chart, a businessman wants to be higher on the corporate ladder and almost everyone can appreciate a view that is only possible from high up.  After doing work in the gym or after a run our bodies produce a natural high through endorphins, it feels good, unless of course it's been awhile and you're too distracted by how out of shape you are too enjoy it.    

It's no wonder that we can get things twisted sometimes into feeling like anything that gets us "high" is automatically a good thing.  As well all know, there are some highs that can really screw us in the long run if we are not careful.  One of the first ones that probably comes to mind is the high that people get from smoking weed, however, it is a much wider range than that.  Some people can get a high from gambling, and everyone is prone to getting gratification from fulfilling a lust on some level. It can start with that extra long look at the opposite sex and escalate on from there.  The problem with these highs is that they can feel awesome...for a little bit.  Even though they are so temporary, they last just long enough to bait us into the next time, convincing us that more of the same will eventually fulfill us.  The reality of it is even though it feels like we are gaining something, the whole time our fake high of choice is stealing from us slowly but surely. It can involve our money, our time, our relationships, and most importantly our minds and hearts.

     

So what?  No one is perfect, everyone has a vice, that's just a part of life...or is it?  In Psalm 39, David reaches out, 

     “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
      Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is."

It is no secret that EVERYONE is only here for awhile, so why not try and make the most out of each day?  One solid approach I've come across is written in Col. 3:2, "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."  Love ya'll.

Check this song that is very relevant to this topic, by Lecrae, "Blow your high" (lyrics here)

Are you Perpin'?

Perpin' - The act of bragging and or lying in conversations about things that one posesses to impress people, a person who is usually perpin, has nothing but a wide imagination and a desire to fit into the "in crowd". (Urban Dictionary)


How many times do we see it? Somebody talks about something they believe in and then proceeds to do something that makes you sit there and think, "wow, yet another person that is full of it."  How many times do we hear it? We all have at least heard about if not experienced the go-to phrase by some parents, "Do as I say, not as I do."  Clearly, there is some serious space between what people genuinely want to be and what ends up actually happening in their lives.  Why is this so? Well that is one deep question.  No one-liner answer comes to mind, but life is rarely that simple. 

One thing that helped me at least chip away at this was seeing how strongly we believe something be put on one of three levels.

1. Public convictions - This includes what you want everyone else to think you believe and how you want them to see you.  Basically this is your reputation and how you handle it, some care more than others, just look at how different people manage their Facebook profile. 
2. Private convictions - These go a little deeper in the sense that these are the values that you really want to live out.  In an honest heart to heart with a best friend, you'd still tell them, "Yes I really believe in ____."
3. Core convictions - This is the real deal, these beliefs are called "core" because they are so deeply rooted in you that they show up in your actions.  There is no slick talking with core convictions, they are either there or they aren't. (For more check this book by John Ortberg)

You may be asking, "Who cares what level the different beliefs we have go under?" Well, WE need to. Taking a look at our actions and seeing what is showing up in how we live can be a good thing, whether it ends up being an encouragement or a wake-up call.  No one is perfect, bottom line.  There are Atheists that are "practically Christian" judging by their actions just like there are Christians who are "practically atheists" because no one could tell one way or the other, I've been there at times. 

I'll end with a little would you rather...Would you rather hear someone TALK about how they have a heart for God and others or see them DOING something that would tell you that without them saying a word?  Let's keep the Perpin' to a minimum! Peace!

(Comments welcomed)

Love is not money!

In our world today it is often said that we throw around the word "love" too loosely and have weakened its meaning.  That is true in some instances, however, we really take it a step further on how we actually love when it comes to our day to day life.  Donald Miller's book (soon to be movie), "Blue Like Jazz" is a perfect example of a book that is full of some real talk.  Towards the end of this book he discusses love and how we mistreat it.  How easy is it for us to feel like we have a set amount of love we can give each day and we are faced with the task of dividing it out the way we see fit?  This is understandable in a sense because we have a limited amount of time and energy, but really the amount of love we can show for others has no ceiling.  When a parent has a second child, the love they have MULTIPLIES and does not divide between the two kids.

Why is this important to realize? Simply because love is vital to everyone's life, especially those of us within the Christian faith.  When Jesus was asked to share the single most important calling, he responded by saying, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' "

Pretty cut and dry, huh? The struggle happens when we try to actually live this out.  Following Jesus is never easy, but the reality of it is that it is never that complicated.  God's love for us is so great it is beyond our comprehension.  In return, he seeks a relationship with us and desires that we give him and others the best we have.  There is nothing wrong with having a inner circle of friends (Jesus only rolled 12 deep in his) but don't circle the wagons and stop there.  In the book of Hosea it states, "Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love."

I for one am imperfect in this pursuit, good intentions and a big heart only go so far (that conversation is for another day), but it is an approach that is worthwhile and beneficial in many ways.  Let's not be stingy with our love for God and others, most of us can agree that it is a powerful thing and it's free to give!

Until next time...